I know, I know. Its totally not on. I cant simply hope to resurrect myself in your esteem by materialising on this blog every few years.

Unforgiveable.

I couldnt agree more. But all I ask is your forgiveness and I'm sure you will forgive me. Let's look at it this way. Between each post, I'm evolving and growing. And that helps me give you additional value with each post. Ok, I'm going to stop here before I sound like those dreadful marketing guys. (No, not you, Bob, Harry, or whoever reading this is in marketing, I mean everyone else who is not. Come to think of it, I don't know anyone reading my blog who is into marketing. That could be a value addition in itself. Alright.. I stop!)

I don't see the point of an education that teaches you obscure stuff like a(sq) + b(sq) = c(sq), but not basic lessons on community living. Like? Like when you throw junk out of a moving train, it lands in the hands of a poor sweeper whose original job is not to clean the place of YOUR trash but ends up doing so because he is uneducated or semi-educated and therefore expected to pick up your trash, by some quirky logic.

I don't see the point of an education that grooms you to wear the tightest tees and skinniest pants but not give you the understanding that when you sit with your shoes on the seat opposite you on the train, it soils the seat and renders it unfit for anyone else to sit on. There is something called dirt and germs that deposit themselves in parts on that seat and unless your co-commuter is an extremely cynical person, she is most likely not to see it and plonk herself right on it. In the process, she would have gotten her clothing soiled. If anybody thinks this is nitpicking, please put yourself in that co-commuter's shoes and please tell me how you relished the experience of sitting on that soiled seat. I wouldnt know because I fall in the category of 'extremely cynical person' who sniffs and peers around before I park myself on a seat.

While we are on train manners, I find it extremely annoying to be poked (not tapped) by someone on the shoulder and then to be subjected to an offensive finger pointing in your direction. This is not actually an accusatory gesture but an over-simplified way of asking you where you will get down. The seeker of this knowledge will not take the trouble to mouth the words herself but will expect you to take the trouble to speak out your destination. If you are getting off much later, you are in danger of being publicly snubbed as she grimaces, turns a cold shoulder and proceeds to poke your neighbour.

I have now mastered the art of being equally brusque and mannerless (not ill-mannered; that would be too grammatically correct and in this day and age, it is politically incorrect to be correct in any way). So, I look up, coldly point a finger with equally minimal effort to the first person standing nearby and look away. In case you havent understood, I simply suggest by another oversimplified method of communication copyrighted by me that my seat has been claimed by someone else.

For the benefit of non-Mumbaikars, let me explain this claim. In a Mumbai train, if you get in at a station other than the starting point, there is no hope of bagging a seat. So, people getting in from other stations conduct this poking and grimacing exercise to determine if any seated commuter would be getting up soon enough for her to claim that seat.

The booking of the said seat is achieved by the means of another gesture, that is slightly more effortful (I know, I know, but refer to last explanation on grammar, please). On finding that the seat is available after a few stations, the seeker seals the deal by pointing the same finger in the direction of the subject of her last poke and then another hasty swipe in her own direction. Message conveyed, the seekers then proceeds to the footboard with her sweaty and exposed underarms to continue listening to her FM radio blaring on her headset.

I am tempted to ask one of these seekers a simple question but never had the guts to. Is there a law against opening your mouth? Can't one of them tap gently, ask pleasantly, 'Where are you getting off?' (ok, dont add 'please', if that gets long) and then resolve not to make a face if the destination doesn't help her cause? What the heck were you doing in school all these years, ma'am?

As I always say, education has done no good to anybody. It has merely bred bloated egos and contributed to environmental, scientific, social, ethical and economic pollution all over. I'll explain that some day if you are seriously interested.