Comparing governments:

Congress
Hum Sarkaar hum mai baap syndrome. Rogues gallery. With the cockiness and ferociousness of a bull dozer.
Consider Kapil Sibal, P Chidambaram, Digvijay Singh, Manish Tewari, Renuka Chowdhury, Veerappa Moily, Nominal head: see-no-good, do-no-good, speak-no-good-or-bad MMS.
Run with an iron hand by the woman with an iron fist and sardar of cockiness SG.
(Aside: her recent embrace with Sumitra Mahajan should be included as a must in psychology text books for the study of body language. Mahajan went all out and would have even touched her feet to get that hug; Ms G barely yielded, the stiff upper and lower lip intact)

AAP
Sarkaar ki aisi-taisi syndrome. Even when in sarkaar.
Persecution complex. Auto-tuned to revolt and rebel, whether it is against the government of the day or their own partymen. Even in government, their primary job is to demand rights, perks, privileges and when those are granted, to ask for some more. The world conspires and AAP fights them all.

BJP
Hum akele sarkaar banane ke liye kaafi hain. All work and no play as PM and PMO plays hawk. Sleepless nights syndrome. For the first time, ministerial berths and key bureaucratic posts are looking for takers. Incumbents are begging off work. Kursi nahi chahiye, neend chahiye!

Take your pick.

From the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri, an unnamed source sent someone four telegrams that were between Harry Truman and Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Surrender Agreement. The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received, not a word has been added or deleted!

 

(1) Tokyo,Japan

0800-September 1,1945

To: President Harry S Truman

From: General D A MacArthur

Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions!

 

(2) Washington, D C

1300-September 1, 1945

To: D A MacArthur

From: H S Truman

Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!

 

(3) Tokyo, Japan

1630-September 1, 1945

To: H S Truman

From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz

Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?

 

(4) Washington, D C

2120-September 1, 1945

To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz

From: H S Truman

Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!

   

Vinod Mehta was my first editor. We had a free, informal and easy work environment. He was known for picking the best available team and Independent in 1989 surely was the pick of the lot.
Everyone had funny anecdotes about him.
Among my funniest memories had me with a bunch of ticker copies in my hand held behind and leaning forward on the chief sub's desk, to look at some more copies. (In those days, we got PTI and UNI on a dot matrix printer which we had to sort. We also got them on our desktops but computers were new back then and sorting on a desktop was not that streamlined).
I felt a gentle tug at the files in my hand behind. I absently gripped my copies harder while continuing to look at something; another gentle tug and i again gripped it harder, refusing to let go, again absently, engrossed in whatever exciting stuff it was that I was reading on the desk in front of me. A third tug and I finally lost my patience. I straightened up, turned around and saw Vinod a foot away, bent almost double, completely focussed on the copies in my hand.
"Oh!" I turned red with embarrassment and let go of the copies which he attacked with great haste and greed. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a tableload of sub-editors, watching the scene with great merriment, some giggling at the weird sub-editor and her weirder editor. Later, one of them asked me, "For God's sake, WHY couldnt you turn and give him the copies??"
I wanted to know, "And WHY couldn't he simply ask for them instead of trying to prise them out of my hand? He is the editor after all?"
The seniors amongst us answered, "Well, that's Vinod." Indeed.

RIP.

My take onMission Swachch Bharat:

http://www.dnaindia.com/analysis/column-mission-swachch-bharat-move-towards-zero-waste-2022976

Mission Swachch Bharat: Move towards zero waste

Thursday, 2 October 2014 - 5:00am IST Updated: Wednesday, 1 October 2014 - 10:12pm IST | Place: Mumbai | Agency: DNA

• 
  

  Seema Kamdar

Modi's Swachch Bharat initiative should herald rehaul of refuse disposal systems in our country

• 

Two months ago, Maharashtra environment secretary RA Rajeev lamented at a workshop that no Chief Minister or Prime Minister had ever spoken of a litter-free country. As if on cue, Prime Minister Narendra Modi has spoken up. And how.
Modi is the first national-level politician to take up cleanliness as a national priority. He raised the issue first in his Independence Day address, then on Teacher’s Day, in Bangalore and even in the US. He will launch Mission Swachch Bharat on October 2, the birth anniversary of a person many believe is anathema to Modi.
Never before has such stature been enjoyed by the cause of cleanliness and sanitation -- issues that are joined at the hip and translate into health and life at the front end. Sweeping has always been a lowly chore in India, steadfastly so because of its unattractiveness as a vote-getting cause.
The solid waste problem in India is immense. Given our resilient yen for littering and high tolerance for squalor, Modi’s emphatic focus on garbage removal is not just necessary but essential. If we do manage to achieve the seemingly impossible target of garbage clearance at the street and the doorstep, we would have covered the first -- and biggest in terms of its scale -- stage of the waste conundrum.
There is much more to waste management than collection and dumping. Without going into the different types of waste or their hazard potential, the obvious steps in an integrated approach towards a more civilised and sustainable waste disposal system are reduction of waste, segregation of waste at source, local composting, treatment, recycling and re-use. Only the waste left over at the end of this chain should be incinerated, with an energy conversion component built in if feasible. Landfilling should be the absolute last option for non-recoverable waste, and when inevitable, it should be done in a sanitary way, not in open landfills. Incidentally, Japan has an island, Odaiba, constructed over a landfill site in Tokyo Bay.
In India, waste management has not evolved as a sector. A PIL by Almitra Patel against open dumping of waste in 1996 led to the drafting of rules by a Supreme Court-appointed committee to provide a legal framework for a range of activities such as generation, storage, collection, transportations, processing and disposal into a sanitary landfill, etc.
A detailed report by a technical advisory group set up by the government dwells on processing and disposal, cost-effective solutions, etc. Yet, most efforts at composting and treatment are individual and informal. India has waste-to-energy plants and recycling factories, many of which recycle waste from countries like Nepal and Bhutan. We also have some exemplary showcases. Suryapet in Telangana is India’s first waste-complaint city with zero garbage. Namakkal, a district town in Tamil Nadu, has privatised its waste management systems, enforces door-to-door collection with source segregation, vermi-composting of organic garbage and sale of recyclables. But what is needed is a macro overhaul enhancing, integrating, and streamlining all the cogs in the wheel.
To work our way up from segregation to re-use, an architectural framework comprising the government/local bodies, private sector and/or public-private partnership, NGOs and public needs to be put in place. Local municipalities can coerce compliance through a string of laws and levies on the creation and collection of waste such as a landfill tax, capping per capita waste generation, penalising certain types of inorganic waste.
Countries not just in the developed West but even in our neighbourhood have seamlessly moved to a system of waste reduction. Dhaka slums have taken to open-air barrel composting and collect $20 per ton carbon credits. Singapore, which faces land scarcity like most of urban India, has a recycling rate of over 60 %. In particular, its near-complete recycling of construction debris holds out hope for a rapidly urbanising country like ours.
Singapore’s charges for waste disposal disincentivise generation by construction companies.
European Union countries have done better than most in this area. The European waste hierarchy has five steps: prevention, reuse, recycle, energy recovery and disposal. Its directives include the principles of ‘polluter pays’ and ‘extended producer responsibility’.
Sweden, which came together as a nation for waste management, sees waste as a resource and not as a problem. Almost half of its waste goes into incineration with energy recovery. A world leader in food waste treatment, its food waste is separated and treated to recover biogas and bio-fertiliser. Sweden’s landfilling shrunk from 62 % in 1975 to just 1% a year ago. Measures such as landfill tax, ban on dumping combustible and organic waste, energy tax to make waste-derived energy more attractive, and lowering of taxes on use of bio-fuels drove the change.
On the other hand, the Flemish region of Belgium, Flanders, discourages incineration except for waste that cannot be controlled or prevented. It has one of the best programmes of waste mitigation and recycling. It recycles and re-uses three-fourths of its household waste while discouraging incineration. From about five decades ago when open dumping was common, it has closed most dumping sites.
Landfill and incineration restrictions were introduced in 1998. Half of its population today is into home composting. The Flanders waste management agency, OVAM, has developed a tool, Ecolizer, to help an enterpreneur work out the environmental burden of a product from design, make, processing, energy use, transport and recycling, thereby enabling a suitable change in its design. The cost of recycling is integrated into the product price.
Not technology or economy but a mix of factors woven into the administrative vision, coupled with public will, can deliver the progression to zero waste.
Modi has taken the first giant step by lending his considerable weight to the issue. It’s a good beginning. On our part, we will have to retrain ourselves to understand that waste management is not the exclusive domain of civic authorities. We are equal stakeholders and should do what we can right away -- reduce, segregate, re-use and compost at home.
The author is a senior journalist based in Mumbai 

It's a joke, not what happened with me. Please!

Several days ago, as I left a meeting, I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park.
 
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
 
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all.
 
"Hello My Love", I stammered; I always call him "My Love" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your damn car."

Why Indian Muslims must support Prime Minister Modi 


Syed Ata Hasnain

A roller coaster of an election has led to a result exceeding people's expectations. For India's Muslim population, the largest minority in the world, it is more of a shock. Their worst fears have come true, especially those who view Indian politics from a narrow prism of ideology and faith. The BJP, the supposed ultra nationalist, right wing, anti-Muslim party, will rule India with a majority of its own. This was unimaginable a couple of years ago when the common refrain was the assumption that the BJP could never go beyond the Hindi heartland and, therefore, could never secure its own majority.

The Indian Muslims, confused as they are, by the plethora of political parties that woo them and treat them as a vote bank, were so thunder struck by the electoral results that an ominous silence marked most of their gatherings. 

There are a few things that the Indian Muslims must keep in mind. First, that they are Indians by choice and, therefore, enjoy the fruits of India's democratic success and stability unlike so many others in the neighbourhood who share their faith. Secondly, the Indian political system has matured over 65 years, as has the electorate. The appeal of narrow issues such as faith and ideology does not matter as much as the attraction of social and economic progress. This inevitably happens in multi-faith and multi-cultural societies where the initial gains of nationhood are selfishly acquired. As systems mature the common goals and the common good are realised.

The initial sulk by the Indian Muslims after Independence was a result of their lack of confidence in their own decision and the initial euphoria in Pakistan about a land dedicated to the subcontinent's Muslims. The euphoria diluted over a period of time and today the psyche of an average Pakistani is reflected in Mahwash Badar's bold article - 'Jinnah made a Mistake and I am 

Ashamed of being a Pakistani' recently published in a prominent Pakistani blog. She writes: "What analogy do I draw to represent the utter misery that is being a Pakistani in this super-power dominated world?" No one puts labels on Indian Muslims when they travel internationally and no one profiles them in the manner which Ms Badar describes her countrymen. A prominent US Air Force General once in a discussion with me online stated: "What, 175 million Muslims and not one with Al Qaida!" It was difficult for him to understand this. The Indian Muslims have rarely looked upon themselves in this light because not many leaders have ever cared to explain to them the distinct advantages of their Indian label.

There have been aberrations in the journey since Partition as would be in any aspiring and dynamic nation. There have also been many success stories which have helped cement their place in society. They have won adulation for winning the highest military gallantry awards, given Presidents, Vice Presidents and Service Chiefs to the nation, achieved the highest honours for scientific and cultural activities and worn their patriotism proudly. Why should they then be thunder struck by the simple change of government which has been elected with many a vote from within their ranks?

Mercifully, within a few days of the electoral results the hushed whispers have started emerging as voices of assent; heads have started nodding and Indian Muslims are re-emerging from their self-induced perception of doom. Much of it is driven by aspirations of youth who had the courage to vote with their minds but also much of it is being driven by people who were opposed to Narendra Modi but now see in him as their collective hope for the future. Some introspection is leading to the deduction that it is scientific temper, education, power of investigation and living by rationale which will militate against the status-quoist attitude with which the community has lived for long. They have to be led into believing that as a patriotic, non-radicalised, proud segment of the Indian society, they hold out a beacon to the rest of the Islamic world. This is what the leaders of the Muslim society need to dwell on.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi's victory signifies one of the most historic changes in world history. This has been the largest electoral process ever to have taken place with a system to monitor fairness and strict electoral norms. Not many are absorbing the fact that after 30 years stability has returned to India. Indians had forgotten the meaning of stability and have now to get used to it. That India could achieve high growth despite coalitions in power should encourage all Indians about the positives which augur for the future. The electoral rhetoric is over. Wishful thinking among India's adversaries would involve the anticipation of large-scale subjugation and wilful acts against the minorities resulting in increased antipathy and turbulence in society. Triggers may be planned to force the minorities to perceive danger to their safe existence.

However, a government which has won a single-party majority and commands a huge majority as a coalition will inevitably leave behind rhetoric of the electoral process. Governance is too serious a matter to allow it to be mired in political criticism and minority bashing. Narendra Modi's emergence should send that clear message to the Indian Muslims. This is the moment to seize, unshackled from vote banks. Even if they have voted for other parties that was their democratic right; it does not prevent them from now strengthening the hands of the most stable government in India's recent history.

On the part of the new government no one doubts its intent of taking united India to the next level. It has received not only a thunderous approval from the electorate but also an acceptance by an international consensus that this is the best thing which could happen to India. Leaders who are decisive, clear-headed and resolute rarely take decisions against the run of progress and Prime Minister Narendra Modi appears to fit that bill quite appropriately. Perhaps the 21st century will still be the Indian century and the chance of giving it that label in letter and spirit has arrived. The Indian Muslims must not miss the bus, in fact they should get into it lock, stock and barrel.

The writer retired recently as a Lt.General, having commanded 15 Corps in Srinagar

How would I describe Gopinath Munde, who passed away today in a road accident? There are many adjectives that would describe him well but not fully.
There are so many memories of the man, the mind is cluttered. Let me capture some random thoughts here. I have seen him in countless assembly sessions, sitting on the front row, head held back and high, always but always leaning behind in his seat, chest out.
Every few minutes, he would wipe his mouth briskly and comb his hair, yes, comb his hair. This habit stayed with him for years. In the house, he spoke very well and to the point.
As deputy chief minister, he handled home as well. He was surprisingly clued in about internal security matters in a way few have been before or after him. He supported many good cops and bureaucrats much against the wishes of many in the Sena and within the BJP as well. He tried hard to get rid of illegal Bangaldeshi immigrants in the city as it was a major menace to the peace and economy of the state as well as that of the country. However, Mamta Banerjee and Ajit Panja, then in NDA government, intervened and refused to let him move.
There were times I could sense his frustration at the way his hands were ever so often tied behind his back but he would rarely confide in journalists, howmuchever some Marathi journalists like to boast that he did. He was known not to drop too many hints our way and was in fact not as media friendly as many other politicians who were always waiting to vent their grievances and share some meaty gossip about their rivals.
I cannot forget how he reacted to the news of Pramod Mahajan's death. He was shattered. Munde rode on Mahajan's stature all his political life and suddenly he found himself alone.
Though fully capable of shouldering not just his political role but also carving the Maharashtra BJP's political future, he continued to feel Mahajan's loss for a very long time. It was a rare sight to see a seasoned politician like him sobbing like a child at Mahajan's funeral. After Mahajan;s death, Munde supported his family as much as he could. He tried very hard to get Poonam Mahajan a ticket in 2009 even so much as to put his political career at stake for her. But Poonam was a political rookie with an absolutely blank slate. And there was no Modi wave at that time to bail her out.
At a recent Modi rally in Mumbai, the one person on the dais to clap when Poonam Mahajan's name was announced was Munde.
His rivalry with Nitin Gadkari made a lot of sense as the two are temperamentally different and come from different backgrounds. Munde was a grassroots, man about village, politician. He knew where his bread and butter came from, and understood politics but couldnt play it as well for some time after Mahajan's death. Mahajan had always shielded him from the harsh arclights of party politics. So, it took a struggle for Munde to come into his own, but that he did. And how. Faced with Gadkari's rising stature with Modi and the BJP's national brass, he carved out his own niche to the point that Modi made him a union minister as well.
A big loss to the BJP for sure. RIP, Gopinathji.

 Post-election trauma for P-p-pa-Rahu and K-k-kajeriwal (the rahu-ketu of Indians):

Tide and Rin have competition from Congress. Itni zabardast dhulai hui hai.

There is a great Rahul Gandhi wave in the country... Everyone is waving him good bye.

Congress: "Rahul-baba, jahan bhi ho, ghar aa jao. Mata aur behen dono pareshan hai. Koi kuch nahi kahega; sari jimmedari Manmohan-uncle ne li hai. Jaldi aa jao, bas."

Sonia and Rahul should not resign. Otherwise, Congress may recover.

Manmohan Singh's wife goes to Sonia Gandhi's house... To get the remote control back.

"Why is the mute button worn out?" asks Mrs Singh.

Manmohan Singh went to the vegetable market, the morning following his resignation.

Manmohan: Gobi kitni ki hai?

Vendor: Bas kar, rulayega kya, pagle? Free hai, tere liye. Pehli baar aawaaz suni hai teri!

Manmohan Singh begins work on his autobiography titled, "5 Mistakes of My Life: 2G, 3G, Sonia G, Rahul G, and Rahul G ke Jija G".

Congress ki samasya ye hai ki jo yuva josh Rahul Gandhi me hona chahiye woh Digvijay Singh me hai.

Ab to Congress ke bhi achche din aane wale hain.

ND Tiwari ke baad, Digvijay Singh bhabhi laane wale hai.

Girlfriend: Jaanu, aaj milte hai.

Boyfriend: Kahan milna hai?

Girlfriend: Koi sunsaan si jagah, jaha koi na ho.

Boyfriend: Thik hai, fir ek gante me Congress Head Office me milte hai.

Arvind Kejriwal got more slaps than seats!

Even Tata Nano has more seats than the Aam Admi Party!

Arvind Kejriwal says that Aam Janata has also become corrupt.

 

A view from Pakistan

 

Managing Modi  

Shahzad Chaudhry

 

Two glass ceilings got broken in the first two decades of this century: a black man’s son became the president of the United States – the oldest democracy in the world and a chaiwala’s son was elected in a sweeping victory as the prime minister of India – the largest democracy of the world. A third such occasion is likely in 2016 when a woman just might become the first ever female president of the US. This is paradigms being shattered. 

If you want to really celebrate democracy as some in this country are prone to do simply by seeing one civilian government transition to another, note the speed at which from mid-1960s both the ‘coloured’ and the women, and the weak, have been able to find their place in the real democracies of the world on their merit alone. 

No dynasties, no historical reference of a father or a grandfather having once been at a position of entitlement – simply the capacity and the ability of a person (men, women, ‘coloured’) to prove his credentials in a field of play that is cut-throat competitive and where only the best will survive. 

There are only two references in a competitive electoral play; the person: his charisma, charm and magical spell over the people – think Jinnah, Gandhi, Mandela, and Bhutto; and the performance – think Manmohan Singh when he got his country some exceptional growth figures under Narasimha Rao, and more recently, Narendra Modi with his outstanding developmental record in Gujarat. 

Modi romped home with a strength that was surprising even to him though pundits had already predicted a wave of change. But what a performance. Kudos to India for such an election; not a murmur of rigging or absence of fair-play. To win in such an election and with the margin that Modi has, is simply too big a landmark in contemporary political history. It was a ‘wow’ moment for India and the country needs to be applauded for it.

Modi is a rare combination of the two. He has his spell and a sterling record of development, aided without doubt by an enabling environment where the electorate could only rest their hopes on him after others had betrayed it with dismal performance. He seems a man who can easily connect with the people. An effective orator, he outshined Rahul Gandhi who appeared unenthused and listless in comparison. 

To the dismay of many in Pakistan, let me suggest that if Modi gets his act together, he will take India places. India will change, perhaps finally realising its dream and potential, as will its polity. India will never be the same again; this remains my considered opinion. He is that kind of fellow. 

Many in Pakistan wondered if this was an election lost or an election won. If there was one factor that played in wooing the voters, it was leadership, or the lack of it when they disavowed the Congress. That did it for Modi. Modi appeared resolute, clear headed, focused and decisive; all that Manmohan or Rahul were not. 

Is there a lesson out there for us and our political class? Especially in our current situation where not only are institutions entangled with each other, they are also breaking up within. What is needed for Pakistan too is a no-nonsense style of leadership that is upfront, owns the problems, and seems willing and active in doing something about it. Not the kind of absent leadership that sleeps by the side as the state and the nation unravel before it. 

Statesmanship has been wrongly understood by this clan. They think sleeping through, or remaining detached and above the fray is how statesmen are made. There cannot be another as fallacious a conception. Statesmen are leaders, and leaders work with their hands. Will Modi spur Nawaz to do better? I feel the simple relativity of how India propels, and how Pakistan nosedives under listless, lackadaisical leadership, will be enough factors to force a change. Of what kind will remain to be seen. Manmohan’s listlessness was too contagious.

Modi, however is no goody-two-shoes. He is also characterised as the ‘butcher of Gujarat’. That will change. He is someone who reads his role well. What was needed then to appease some at the RSS was then and that helped him establish his position within the party; but now there is a different role for him. 

The weight of his victory will help Modi establish his influence not only within the BJP, but also within the RSS. He is likely to have much greater freedom of action, as he now goes about establishing himself as a man of substance in the international arena. He will not be the gung-ho Modi that we assume, instead he will be deliberate, firm and unyielding in the way that he charts his and India’s future. 

How might then Pakistan manage him? The first apprehension is will he war with Pakistan. Here is how it will go. He will begin with an immediate assessment of what his armed forces will need to gain an assured level of readiness – armed forces are always short of what they assume is absolute readiness; remember the nine months that Manekshaw needed before the 1971 war, or how the Indian army dithered after Mumbai from a reprisal action. 

Modi’s aim will not be to seek a war. But come another situation like Mumbai 2008, he would like his military to respond with effect; of that there should be little confusion. Pakistan will then need to evolve its own plan to first deter and then respond to such a reprisal. That will put them both on a slippery slope of escalation dominance.

What both sides will need instead are measures and processes that will control and manage escalation, not dominate it. Failing these the spiral down the stability regime will be rather rapid; consequences untold and horrendous. It will also help if another Mumbai does not occur. We can be assured of Modi working hard to find space for an armed retribution if he was tested with something as horrible as that. It is better to be prepared than be surprised. And how do you manage him? By simply being better at what he does. With our current pack, forget it.

Tailpiece: In a master stroke Modi has invited Nawaz Sharif to his inauguration. That is enough to test the mettle of Pakistan’s leadership. If Nawaz goes he will need the acumen to dominate his first interaction with Modi. Otherwise he is coming back with a clearer enunciation of how Modi would like Nawaz to respond to his concerns. Devil and the deep blue sea, is it?

The writer is a retired air-vice marshal of the Pakistan Air Force and served as its deputy chief of staff.

Why does Google want to keep changing its designs on us?!!!
Every few months when we get accustomed to a certain way of emailing or blogging, there comes a revision that it decides to term an "improvement" and it is all but unleashed on us. We have no choice.
Its new compose experience is a nightmare and pray, why was it needed??
I clicked on it by mistake and got stuck for a couple of days. Then, there was a feverish struggle to figure out how to get the old style back. Google doesnt help you with that at all. They have sneaked in the return to the old format in a place you would hardly seek it.
And now, this silly blogging page. Once you login, you dont know where to begin and what to do. It's so dammnnn user-unfriendly.

The reason I visited this blog after aeons is that I saw a movie I shouldn't have.  This piece of mine should be titled, "Why you shouldnt watch Special 26".
I watched it because I loved Neeraj Pandey's first outing, 'A Wednesday'. The plot was punchy, dialogues crisp, his filmmaking style different and individualistic yet easy without trying to hit you with it a la Ram Gopal Varma. And, above all, I loved Naseeruddin Shah. He carried the movie on his shoulders. Each time I see the movie on TV, I am hooked and watch it like the first time.
I realised that Special 26 -- what's with these names? They are so uninspired I wouldnt watch anything called A Wednesday or Special 26 but the first was a fluke and the second was viewed for the man behind the camera -  may not be the same. So I had no unrealistic expectations from Pandey just that it should be smart and sassy.
But the film faltered on all counts.
The direction was limp. The camera panned on every step walked by a character, every turn of the wheel by the driver, every alley and turn taken by every character. It is a painfully long movie for the kind of story it tells and can safely be cropped by an hour.
Now, for the story. The story is full of holes. The finer points of the plot are never fleshed out. How does Akshay Kumar and his gang of crooks work up to the next heist would be the most gripping part of the telling but that is never told. You are directly delivered to the execution of the plot and even there, there are problems.

It is odd to see these gang members, who actually rake in crores in every loot, live like daily wage earners.  The two junior members travel by buses and rickshaws,and live in rundown homes in lower class neighbourhoods. Anupam Kher has a middle class lifestyle. Akshay Kumar travels in style but doesnt have the swank of a rich thief.
Where does all the money go? For a moment, I thought -- and actually hoped because I was getting hugely disappointing with the rendition on screen, that that would be the twist in the tale at the end, that these guys will be shown to be doing a social duty by fleecing the black money hoarders and giving it all to charity.But that never happened. And it remained a gaping hole in the story, among others.

The twist in the tale itself is interesting but once it sinks in, you wonder why the person needed to carry out the charade  in the first place. There are other holes: how the fake CBI team's special recruitment drive is carried out in a five-star hotel and the gang doesnt half-expect the CBI to walk in and demand an explanation. Or anybody else to bust the fellows.

The songs are a huge bore, eminently avoidable, as is Kajal Aggarwal with her blank expressions, unchalked role and needless romance. The lead pair (she is there in just 3.5 scenes) look like they wont click if they were the last surviving man and woman on earth. Kajal looks too young, too earnest and too simple to match Akshay's 50-plus creases, lack of passion and flambuoyance.

There's more to say but I think I left it at the multiplex. Pandey  should take a very long break before venturing into another.

My real crib is for the critics who have obligingly given him a high scoring, even Anupama Chopra. The dishonesty is startling. Surely, they know better?

This piece is a must read. It says it all and it says it well. At least someone, even if a mere Indian and not the government, is saying it like it is.
 -S


Kunal Verma


After the Kargil War, I was filming the eight Pakistani prisoners who
had been captured by us in the Dras and Batalik Sectors. The Army PROs
had told the POWs that I was from the Red Cross or some such bullshit
in the hope that they would talk on camera. The first thing I did with
each of them was to tell them that I was from no such organization. I
also told them point blank that their country was denying that their
Army had been a part of the infiltration and their best chance of
returning to Pakistan was to talk turkey and tell the truth or
languish in our jails for years.

The fear of God and the fact that they would never see their families
again worked and they began to talk – all eight of them. As ordinary
soldiers they didn’t know too much, but what they said was detailed
and clearly established how their regular units had moved into
position masquerading as ‘mujahideen’.

The visuals of those men, some with bandages on their eyes, was
flashed on virtually every television channel and within a week the
eight POWs were flown back to Pakistan. That footage is still with me,
and the verbal evidence of the POWs blows whatever fig leaf of cover
the Pakistani establishment ever had.

Kargil was not a one off thing.

The same thing had happened in Jammu and Kashmir in 1948. From day one
the Government of Pakistan had gone blue in the face repeating ad
nauseam that their Army was not involved. Their entire case in the
United Nations was based on that one big lie which we could never
convincingly expose, despite the fact that Western journalists had
splashed photographs of the active involvement of the Pakistan Armed
Forces.

For my book, 'The Long Road to Siachen: The Question Why' I found some
of these images fairly easily, yet no one on the Indian side felt the
need to aggressively nail this great big lie. Years later, when
Pakistani officers began to publish their own stories, we still did
nothing to counter this propaganda.

As a nation, we are pathetic when it comes to remembering our history
or honouring the brave men who died defending this country –
sixty-five years on and our political leadership grudges them even a
National War Memorial!

Not surprising then that October 1947 in Baramula has all but been
forgotten, when the tribal lashkar pulled out and raped virtually
every woman and girl in the town; or for that matter forgotten the
chilling words when Skardu fell and the Pakistani field commander
wired back “All Sikhs killed and women raped” or words to that affect.

In 1965 they did it again, and then again in 1971, even when the
Pakistan Army was fighting for its survival in Bangladesh, they
tortured and mutilated our boys.

22 Rajput at Madhumati had two men stripped naked and dragged through
the streets behind jeeps while others were tied to trees and their
eyes were gouged out!

The Indian Government’s response was predictable – 22 Rajput was
pulled out of the Eastern Theatre.

The Pakistan Army which had behaved in the most barbaric manner
possible with the people of Bangladesh were then protected by us from
the Mukti Bahini and 93,000 POWs were sent back by a preening Indian
Government while some of our own boys even today are reportedly
languishing in their jails. Not one of the Pakistani soldiers was
tried for war crimes.

Our Parliament is attacked and Mumbai is held hostage by ‘non-state
actors’, Kashmir has been on fire for thirty years thanks to our
hostile friends across the border and all we do is sanctimoniously
talk of CBMs and signing Track 2 ‘deals’ where we want to talk of
demilitarization of Siachen based on some ridiculous sentimental
hogwash of being brothers who have been separated at birth! We want to
play cricket and hold hands and sing songs and write articles about
‘Aman ki Aasha’. Sure, there’s nothing wrong in building people to
people contacts and keeping dialogue open, but surely it must be on
our terms.

And now this! Pakistani soldiers behead our boys and we wring our
hands in collective anguish. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US?

We’ve brought this upon ourselves! We can’t protect our women, we
can’t look after our farmers, or our soldiers – either on the borders
or in Chattisgarh – we can’t take a damn step any more without being
surrounded with the stench of corruption. As a people we have failed
and the Government of India, which is us, have failed the country as
we squabble at every level.

Every institution is today under attack – be it the Army, the Police
or the Judiciary. We watch as our Parliamentarians make monkeys of
themselves in the highest edifices of democracy and then go scuttling
into their homes behind a barricade of police protection and barbed
wire when our children take to the streets. Just imagine what would
have happened if the President of India had walked down the Raisina
Hill slope and embraced the anguished youth and shared their concern.
All we got was lip service. And water canons and a few lathi charges.

The underlying message of these protests – be it Anna Hazare or Ramdev
or Kejriwal or Sangeeta, Radhika, Madhulika, Meena or Jyoti is the
same, even if our screaming, sometimes hysterical media misses it! THE
PEOPLE ARE CRYING OUT FOR BETTER GOVERNANCE! Every scandal – be it the
CWG, 2G, 3G, Coalgate, Kodankulam or FDI, is a nail in our crumbling
wall.

When your intestines are bleeding, your women being raped, your
fishermen are being shot by drunk Italian Guards as sport, and all you
do is make shrill noises on TV, do you seriously expect the enemy
sitting beyond your gate to shake his head in sympathy or do you
expect him to hit you even harder.

If he takes away your heads, it anguishes us today. But as we have
regularly demonstrated, we will do nothing about it.

I have two simple suggestions:

The media must stop covering the Pakistan border. A complete news
black out on anything concerning the LOC. The Indian Army is more than
capable of making the people who did this heinous act pay. Just leave
the Army alone. It is their ghost and they will burry it at their time
of choosing.

Enforce a Naval economic blockade of Karachi until Dawood Ibrahim, the
perpetuators of the Mumbai Attack, and the Pakistani Army personnel
who beheaded our boys in 2011 in Kupwara and now in Mendhar are handed
over. There should be no compromise on this. The Indian Navy has had a
virtual son-in-law status since Independence and all the talk of a
blue water Navy now needs to be put to the test.

Choke Pakistan economically so that they hurt. Neither the Army nor
the IAF have the numerical superiority over Pakistan to conduct any
surgical retaliation strike. The Navy on the other hand, has a major
edge over the Pakistan Navy.

If the rest of the world, especially the US, has a problem with this,
tell them to go to hell and shut the door behind them!


Kunal Verma is the author of 'The Long Road to Siachen: The Question
Why and 'The Northeast Trilogy'.

A filmmaker, he has been professionally associated with the Armed
Forces for over two decades. His films include 'The Standard Bearers
(National Defence Academy)', 'The Making of a Warrior (Indian Military
Academy)', 'Salt of the Earth and Aakash Yodha (IAF)', 'The Naval
Dimension and Kashmir: Baramula to Kargil' among others.

The recently published 'Northeast Trilogy' documents the entire
Northeastern region of India

India Loses US$1.6 Billion in Black Money in 2010, Loses US$123 Bill

December 17, 2012
Clark Gascoigne, +1 202 293 0740 x222

WASHINGTON, DC – The Indian economy suffered US$1.6 billion in illicit financial outflows in 2010, capping-off a decade in which the world’s largest democracy experienced black money loses of US$123 billion, according to the latest report released today by Global Financial Integrity, a Washington-based research and advocacy organization.

The GFI study, titled “Illicit Financial Flows from Developing Countries: 2001-2010,” ranks India as the decade’s 8th largest victim of illicit capital flight behind China, Mexico, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Russia, the Philippines, and Nigeria, respectively.

“While progress has been made in recent years, India continues to lose a large amount of wealth in illicit financial outflows,” said GFI Director Raymond Baker.  “Much focus has been paid in the media on recovering the Indian black money that has already been lost.  This focus is for naught as long as the Indian economy continues to hemorrhage illicit money.  Policymakers and commentators should make curtailing the ongoing outflow of money priority number one.”

“$123 billion is a massive amount of money for the Indian economy to lose,” said Dr.Dev Kar, GFI Lead Economist and co-author of the report.  “It has very real consequences for Indian citizens.  This is more than $100 billion dollars which could have been used to invest in education, healthcare, and upgrade the nation’s infrastructure.  Perhaps last summer’s electrical blackout would have been avoided if some of this money had remained in India and been used to invest in the nation’s power grid.”

Co-authored by Dr. Kar and GFI Economist Sarah Freitas, the study is GFI’s annual update on the amount of money flowing out of developing economies through crime, corruption and tax evasion, and it is the first of GFI’s reports to include data for the year 2010.

The report—the first by GFI to incorporate a new, more conservative, estimate of illicit financial flows—found that all developing and emerging economies suffered US$858.8 billion in illicit outflows in 2010, just below the all-time high of US$871.3 billion set in 2008—the year preceding the global financial crisis.

“Astronomical sums of dirty money continue to flow out of the developing world and into offshore tax havens and developed country banks,” noted Mr. Baker.  “Regardless of the methodology, it’s clear: developing economies are hemorrhaging more and more money at a time when rich and poor nations alike are struggling to spur economic growth. This report should be a wake-up call to world leaders that more must be done to address these harmful outflows.”

Methodology

As developing countries begin to loosen capital controls, the possibility exists that the methodology utilized in previous GFI reports—known as the World Bank Residual Plus Trade Mispricing method—could increasingly pick-up some licit capital flows.  The methodology introduced in this report— the Hot Money Narrow Plus Trade Mispricing method—ensures that all flow estimates are strictly illicit moving forward, but may omit some illicit financial flows detected in the previous methodology.

“The estimates provided by either methodology are still likely to be extremely conservative as they do not include trade mispricing in services, same-invoice trade mispricing, hawala transactions, and dealings conducted in bulk cash,” explained Dr. Kar, who previously served as a senior economist at the International Monetary Fund.  “This means that much of the proceeds of drug trafficking, human smuggling, and other criminal activities, which are often settled in cash, are not included in these estimates.”

Findings

The US$858.8 billion of illicit outflows lost to all developing countries in 2010 is a significant uptick from 2009, which saw developing nations lose US$776.0 billion under the new methodology.  The study estimates the developing world lost a total of US$5.86 trillion over the decade spanning 2001 through 2010.1

“This has enormous ramifications for the developing world,” explained Ms. Freitas, a co-author of the report.  “Poor countries lost nearly a trillion dollars that could have been used to develop economically, a trillion dollars that could have been used to pull people out of poverty and save lives.”

Dr. Kar and Ms. Freitas’ research tracks the amount of illegal capital flowing out of 150 different developing countries over the 10-year period from 2001 through 2010, and it ranks the countries by magnitude of illicit outflows. According to the report, the 20 biggest exporters of illicit financial flows over the decade are:

1. China ............ ......... .. $274 billion average ($2.74 trillion cumulative)
2. Mexico ............ ......... ......... ...... $47.6 billion avg. ($476 billion cum.)
3. Malaysia ............ ......... ......... .... $28.5 billion avg. ($285 billion cum.)
4. Saudi Arabia ............ ......... ....... $21.0 billion avg.  ($210 billion cum.)
5. Russia ............ ......... ......... ........ $15.2 billion avg. ($152 billion cum.)
6. Philippines ............ ......... ......... . $13.8 billion avg. ($138 billion cum.)
7. Nigeria ............ ......... ......... ....... $12.9 billion avg. ($129 billion cum.)
8. India ............ ......... ......... ......... . $12.3 billion avg. ($123 billion cum.)
9. Indonesia ............ ......... ......... ... $10.9 billion avg. ($109 billion cum.)
10. United Arab Emirates ............ ... $10.7 billion avg. ($107 billion cum.)
11. Iraq ............ ......... ......... ......... $10.6 billion avg. ($63.6 billion cum.)2
12. South Africa ............ ......... ....... $8.39 billion avg. ($83.9 billion cum.)
13. Thailand ............ ......... ......... .... $6.43 billion avg. ($64.3 billion cum.)
14. Costa Rica ............ ......... ......... . $6.37 billion avg. ($63.7 billion cum.)
15. Qatar ............ ......... ......... ........ $5.61 billion avg. ($56.1 billion cum.)
16. Serbia ............ ......... ......... ....... $5.14 billion avg. ($51.4 billion cum.)
17. Poland ............ ......... ......... ...... $4.08 billion avg. ($40.8 billion cum.)
18. Panama ............ ......... ......... .... $3.99 billion avg. ($39.9 billion cum.)
19. Venezuela ............ ......... ......... $3.79 billion avg. ($37.9 billion cum.)
20. Brunei ............ ......... ......... ....... $3.70 billion avg. ($37.0 billion cum.)

For a complete ranking of average annual illicit financial outflows by country, please refer to Table 2 of the report’s appendix on page 36, or download the rankings by average annual illicit outflows here  [PDF | 51 KB].

Also revealed are the top exporters of illegal capital in 2010, which were:

1. China ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..... $420.36 billion
2. Malaysia ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .. $64.38 billion
3. Mexico ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .... $51.17 billion
4. Russia ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... $43.64 billion
5. Saudi Arabia ............ ......... ......... ......... ..... $38.30 billion
6. Iraq........ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..... $22.21 billion
7. Nigeria ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .... $19.66 billion
8. Costa Rica........ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..... $17.51 billion
9. Philippines ............ ......... ......... ......... ........ $16.62 billion
10. Thailand.... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .. $12.37 billion
11. Qatar ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ....... $12.36 billion
12. Poland ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..... $10.46 billion
13. Sudan ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ....... $8.58 billion
14. United Arab Emirates ............ ......... ......... .. $7.60 billion
15. Ethiopia ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..... $5.64 billion
16. Panama ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..... $5.34 billion
17. Indonesia ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .. $5.21 billion
18. Dominican Republic ............ ......... ......... ..... $5.03 billion
19. Trinidad and Tobago ............ ......... ......... .... $4.33 billion
20. Brazil ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... $4.29 billion

An alphabetical listing of illicit financial outflows is available for each country in Table 9 on pg. 62 of the report. You can also download the alphabetical listing of illicit financial flows data for each country here [ PDF | 64 KB].

Previous Country-Specific Report on India

A November 2010 GFI report, “The Drivers and Dynamics of Illicit Financial Flows from India: 1948-2008,” found that the Indian economy lost $462 billion to illicit financial outflows from 1948 through 2008. Authored by Dr. Kar, the report measured India’s underground economy as 50 percent of GDP, with cumulative illicit outflows accounting for an increasing share of the total underground economy.

Possible Solutions

Global Financial Integrity advocates that world leaders increase the transparency in the international financial system as a means to curtail the illicit flow of money highlighted by Dr. Kar and Ms. Freitas’ research.  Policies advocated by GFI include:

* Addressing the problems posed by anonymous shell companies, foundations, and trusts by requiring confirmation of beneficial ownership in all banking and securities accounts, and demanding that information on the true, human owner of all corporations, trusts, and foundations be disclosed upon formation and be available to law enforcement;
* Reforming customs and trade protocols to detect and curtail trade mispricing;
* Requiring the country-by- country reporting of sales, profits and taxes paid by multinational corporations;
* Requiring the automatic cross-border exchange of tax information on personal and business accounts;
* Harmonizing predicate offenses under anti-money laundering laws across all Financial Action Task Force cooperating countries; and
* Ensuring that the anti-money laundering regulations already on the books are strongly enforced.

Funding

Funding for the new report, “Illicit Financial Flows from Developing Countries: 2001-2010,” was generously provided by the Ford Foundation.

A friend Abha Singh, lawyer and activist, lays down a journalist's rights and privileges vis-a-vis her sources in black and white:
As per section 13 of the Press Council Act, 1978, Norms for Journalistic Ethics are required to be promulgated by the Press Council of India. The force of law of such Norms is apparent from the legal provision quoted below:

“Relevant part of Section 13(2) of the Press Council Act, 1978:
The Council may, in furtherance of its objects, perform the following functions, namely :
...
(b) to build up a code of conduct for newspapers, news agencies and journalists in accordance with high professional standards;” (Emphasis supplied).

Pursuant to the statutory provisions mentioned above, the Press Council of India has promulgated Norms for Journalistic Conduct, 2005. That being so, the said Norms have got a statutory force of law and the same comes within the definition of ‘law’ contained in Article 13 of the Constitution of India.

It is to be noted further that section 14 of the Press Council Act, 1978, provides for punishment to the person who violates this statutory Norms of Journalistic Conduct, and the punishment provided for is to “warn, admonish or censure” the concerned journalist.

It is further seen that as per Clause 27 of the Norms of Journalistic Conduct, 2005 issued under section 13 of the Press Council Act, 1978, it has been provided that “if information is received from a confidential source, the confidence should be respected.”

It is thus seen that the statutory rules framed under the provisions of Press Council Act, 1978, bans revealing of the names of sources. In case a person reveals the name of a source he would be committing an offence punishable under section 14 of the Press Council Act, 1978. Needless to add that this act shall be classified as a ‘criminal offence’ under the definition of ‘offence’ contained in the Code of Criminal Procedure, 1973.

In sum, since revealing the name of a source is a criminal offence hence the police cannot compel a journalist to reveal the name of the source and thereby commit a crime.

WHAT JOURNALISTS SHOULD DO WHEN THE POLICE OR ANY OTHER INVESTIGATING AGENCY ASKS FOR THE JOURNALIST TO REVEAL HIS SOURCE?

If the police or any other investigating agency calls for revealing the name of source, then the concerned journalist should clearly inform that to reveal the name of source would be a criminal offence under section 14 of the Press Council Act, 1978, and hence the same cannot be revealed. The police should also be told that since they are compelling the journalist to commit and offence, that would amount to the police committing an offence of abetment by the police under section 109 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860 and that would also be an offence under section 166 of the Indian Penal Code, 1860, since the police are required to abide by the conduct rules of behaving in a manner which is not unbecoming of a public servant and that their act can cause professional injury to the journalist.

If still the police insists then they could be hauled up before the Press Council of India or Human Rights Commission or before the senior officer of police and finally even a Writ Petition could be filed in the High Court.

Police can also be told that the police themselves do not reveal the name of their sources even though there is no law with the police on this. If that is so, then how can police compel a journalist to reveal the name of his source when they are a step above, since there is a law which does not permit to reveal name of the source of a journalist.

As an additional measure, a complaint for departmental action also needs to be lodged before the superior officers of police against those police officers who compel journalists to reveal the name of their sources.

TAILPIECE:

While the aforesaid provisions of law do exist, but at the same time it is necessary for the law to be made more specific on this and just as the communication between a husband and wife (section 122 Indian Evidence Act, 1872) or an advocate and his client (section 126 Indian Evidence Act, 1872) are considered to be confidential, the communication made by a journalist with his source also has to be made similarly confidential by making requisite amendments in the Indian Evidence Act, 1872.

I am just back from a meditation camp at an ashram. It was an enlightening and lightening experience during which I realised commitment is the name of the game. Here is a lowdown:

Participants for this five-day course are required to report a day early during which they are allotted their room numbers, given course literature and briefed about the schedules and terms.

The rooms are allotted just before dinner time which is 5.30 pm but one is allowed to shift anytime thereafter. However,  no sooner is the allotment made, there is a flurry of activity. Gone are the blissed-out expressions, measured walk and reined-in demeanour. People are scrambling to their old rooms, packing their bags on cycle trolleys and circumambulating half or full way across the ashram to find their allotted rooms, all this after the gong for dinner has gone.

Where’s the fire, I ask. But who’s listening? The place is in motion with wheels, feet and baggage trolleys being yanked over sand and concrete with a purpose to answer.  Everyone seems keen to begin her spiritual journey as early as possible. This enthusiasm runs deep. 

To understand how deep, a basic introduction to the course is imperative. Participants are handed out forms that contain the schedule: five one-hour meditations, two to three hours of discourse by the Guru, 45 minutes of introspection, and the regular reading that takes up another hour. And since you are mandated to report a minimum of five minutes before time, that amounts to over nine hours of your day spent on your spiritual enrichment. The last meditation ends at 9 pm and the first starts at 5.15 am.

Now that’s an alarming story. Each participant, who lives alone in the room and is required to stay maun throughout the course,  speaks loudly through their alarm clocks with clockwork precision. First, the ashram gong goes off at the stroke of 4.30 am; in the next second, you hear the rent of the shrill alarm next door. In the next five minutes, ten assorted alarms peal one after another, each tearing to be ahead of the other. One of them, about two doors away from mine, is assertive and loud, like a siren, and intended not to wake you up but to make you jump out of your skin.

As I yawn and stretch in the dark, an enormous row begins outside. Buckets are being slammed under the hot water tap (we have one along each corridor) located right outside my room. The tap takes great pleasure in gushing raucously during dawn but goes silent in the day. Doors are being banged and shut in a coordinated fashion right up to 5.10 am when all movement ceases. That’s only because, as I said, we are to report for all meditations five minutes early.

Actually, all we have to really do at that hour is wake up, freshen up and walk to the venue. All of this should take a maximum of 10 minutes, not 40. Even as I muse in half-sleep why the world has so many masochists under one roof who won’t sleep, I see visions in white outside my window and hear the clickety clack of sticks. Before you get ideas, they are the participants dressed in the preferred ashram colour, making their way to the air-conditioned hall past my window, some with a walking stick.

I rub my eyes. They cant possibly be reporting half an hour early! But there is no doubt they are. The first day, it rattled me because seeing them made me fidget and end up in the cold hall 15 minutes before time. The second day, I did the same and groaned. The third day, I wisened up and reported only 10 minutes early. I had smartened up.

In fact, I set my alarm each day optimistically for 4.50 am in the hope that as the world awakes, I will sleep to my freedom till it buzzes. None of that helped, of course. The ashram gong, the siren and the sundry alarm clocks that seemed to charge in all directions made sure I stayed sharp bright and early at 4.30 am. Each day, I would sigh, shake my head, look longingly at the clock and put off my alarm before it rang.

In between two meditations, the minimum gap is half an hour during which you scramble to your room for a minute and return. Powdering your nose in this interval is of little use. First, there isn’t enough time and second, nobody is looking at you. They are tanked up on the yonder. So I decide not to bother pressing my clothes as it made no difference whatsoever, apart from eating into my endangered sleep time. I consoled myself that in the rare event any of my fans sneak up on me, making way past layers of barricades to the course area, and find me looking less than ravishing, they will anyway not recognise me in creased kurtas, baggy pajamas matched with baggy eyes, and cotton dupattas pulled over severely tied hair to show my elementary face and an other-worldly attitude.

Back to the interval story. As I said, I discovered that even this margin was not really necessary as the movement to the hall for every single session began half an hour before. For five days, I struggled to understand why anybody on earth would want to spend close to 12 hours of the day holed up in a hall when they need to spend nine anyway.

Agitated that I was spending more time on my co-participants’ than on my own internal journey, I decided bitterly that they were doing extra time for a better bargain with God. 
 

We were told that if we wanted anything, we were to write on stapled chits of paper thoughtfully provided beforehand. Our demands are met by the seniormost persons in the organisations who volunteer their services as our counsellors, guides, and wish-granters. These eight souls, who had completed their spiritual search, serve as the Guru’s many arms.

Some more about these angelic mediators. They sent us mixed signals by molly-cuddling us with excessive attention while keeping a hawk eye on our trespasses. At the dining hall, they would position themselves right at the back but very visibly so that we get the message and behaved through the meal. Only after we eat would they cheerfully get up and serve themselves.

These aides worked really hard. Each day, we were to submit a report card to them that had to have a lengthy description of every single ingredient of the day – how we did each of the five meditation sessions, how we found the Guru’s three-hour discourse, how we conducted our introspection, how we indulged our negative and positive emotions throughout the day. The few minutes I got in my room were spent grudgingly writing these memoirs.

As, for me, each day and each meditation session mirrored the other, I had no option but to find creative ways to describe my inability to meditate. The Guru’s aides would then go through these copious notes and make comments. With four of them handling 63 participants’s accounts, each aide had to pore over 15 progress reports each morning at the crack of dawn but somehow didn’t seemed to mind the ordeal.

The aides carried a whip. Each morning, they would mercilessly write out a public circular titled, “The dignitaries who were caught napping in the morning session,’’ listing those of us who dared to nod off for a split second under their penetrating supervision. Gratifyingly, I never made it to that list.

That’s because I shuffled endlessly during all sessions as I am not used to sitting on the floor. Out of a sense of awkwardness at the idea of sitting on chairs primarily occupied by the elderly or at least 50-plus, I would cross my long legs on the mat mutinously in the ambitious hope that they would stay. But in two minutes or less, I would be leaning forward, shifting one leg, then tucking another beneath it and so on.

At the end of some sessions, I would find myself facing the back of the hall instead of the front. Our supervisors figured that someone who thrusts forward and backward and sideways all the time cannot be asleep.

To be fair, nobody slept all through. At the most, a few would slip into an involuntary snooze for a minute or two which should happen naturally when you sleep all of two-and-half winks every day. Even as I sniggered every morning at the names, I would secretly marvel how I never slept through meditation and decided that it was the first positive sign that I was well suited for the rigours of this course.